Rules for Writers

By popular demand:

  1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
  3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive
  5. Avoid clichés like the plague (They’re old hat)
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration
  7. Be more or less specific
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary
  9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies
  10. No sentence fragments
  11. Contradictions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used
  12. Eschew obfuscation
  13. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos
  14. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous
  15. One should NEVER generalize
  16. Comparisons are as bad as clichés
  17. Don’t use no double negatives
  18. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  19. One-word sentences? Eliminate
  20. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake
  21. The passive voice is to be ignored
  22. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas
  23. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice
  24. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize!!
  25. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them
  26. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas
  27. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed
  28. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ‘I hate quotations, tell me what you know’
  29. Resist hyperboles; not one writer in a million can use it correctly
  30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms
  31. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  32. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement
  33. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors
  34. Do not put statements in the negative form
  35. A writer must not shift your point of view
  36. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of ten or more words, to their antecedents
  37. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided
  38. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is
  39. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing
  40. Always pick on the correct idiom
  41. The adverb always follows the verb
  42. Use the rite homonyms
  43. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out

Personally, I agree that to go from obedience to the rules resulting in mere mediocrity of the most boring kind, to greatness, one only has to break the rules.

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Maverisk / Étoiles du Nord