It Happens

It starts with Taoism. But I recognize bureaucracy, software development and economics. In:

Taoism Sh.t happens
Confucianism Confucius say: “Sh.t happens”
Buddism If sh.t happens, it is not really sh.t
Zen What is the sound of sh.t happening?
Hinduism This sh.t has happened before
Islam If sh.t happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism Let the sh.t happen somewhere else
Catholicism If sh.t happens, you deserve it
Judaism Why does sh.t always happen to us?
Mysticism Just experience sh.t happening
Ascetisim If sh.t happens, renounce it
Agnosticism Nobody knows why sh.t happens
Gnosticism I know why sh.t happens but will not tell you
Atheism Sh.t happens and that is all there is to it
Cathesianism Sh.t happened to me, therefore it exists
Platonism There is ideal sh.t happening somewhere
Stoicism I do not care if sh.t happens
Epicureanism Let us party while sh.t does not happen
Cynism Of course sh.t happens
Occultism Sh.t materializes from other planets of existence
Terrorism Sh.t will happen unless you do as I say
Puritanism S… can happen all day as long as you do not call it that
Behaviourism You are conditioned to having sh.t happen
Freudianism If sh.t happens, it is your mother’s fault
Parapsychology Sh.t happens without material causes
Surrealism Purple sh.t happens near melting clocks
Cubism If sh.t happens, you will not recognise it
Optimism If sh.t happens, we will find a way to use it
Pessimism If sh.t happens, there will not be enough for everybody
Tabloid sensationalism Green sh.t from Mars happens to Elvis clone
Biblical creationism Sh.t happens because God created it
Scientific obscurantism Sh.t happens because it evolved from primitive sh.t
Bureaucracy I do not care if sh.t happens as long as you fill out the forms
Feminism Women demand to have sh.t happen
Ecology If organic sh.t happens, it is OK
Capitalism Let us profit from sh.t happening
Socialism If sh.t happens, let us distribute it evenly
Patriotism Our sh.t is better than your sh.t
Conservatism They don’t make sh.t happen like they used to
Liberalism Sh.t should not happen tomorrow
Classical physics Sh.t does not “happen”, it just moves around
Quantum physics Sh.t happens but you can not say both where and when
Sh.t happens in discrete quanta called shitons
Holistic physics If sh.t happens, it happens everywhere at once
Software development If sh.t happens, we will fix it in the next version
Applied mathematics The probability of sh.t happening approaches unity
Engineering When sh.t happens, paint over
Medicine If sh.t happens, take two aspirin and call me in the morning
Economics Sh.t happens because there is a great demand for it
Politics If sh.t happens, make a deal with it
Diplomacy Let us pretend sh.t does not happen
To which I can already add:
Accountancy However bad, sh.t can be left hidden from sight as long as you can ‘prove’ to not have seen the pile of it that you’re drowning in

If you would have any to add, please do …

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