It starts with Taoism. But I recognize bureaucracy, software development and economics. In:
Taoism |
Sh.t happens |
Confucianism |
Confucius say: “Sh.t happens” |
Buddism |
If sh.t happens, it is not really sh.t |
Zen |
What is the sound of sh.t happening? |
Hinduism |
This sh.t has happened before |
Islam |
If sh.t happens, it is the will of Allah |
Protestantism |
Let the sh.t happen somewhere else |
Catholicism |
If sh.t happens, you deserve it |
Judaism |
Why does sh.t always happen to us? |
Mysticism |
Just experience sh.t happening |
Ascetisim |
If sh.t happens, renounce it |
Agnosticism |
Nobody knows why sh.t happens |
Gnosticism |
I know why sh.t happens but will not tell you |
Atheism |
Sh.t happens and that is all there is to it |
Cathesianism |
Sh.t happened to me, therefore it exists |
Platonism |
There is ideal sh.t happening somewhere |
Stoicism |
I do not care if sh.t happens |
Epicureanism |
Let us party while sh.t does not happen |
Cynism |
Of course sh.t happens |
Occultism |
Sh.t materializes from other planets of existence |
Terrorism |
Sh.t will happen unless you do as I say |
Puritanism |
S… can happen all day as long as you do not call it that |
Behaviourism |
You are conditioned to having sh.t happen |
Freudianism |
If sh.t happens, it is your mother’s fault |
Parapsychology |
Sh.t happens without material causes |
Surrealism |
Purple sh.t happens near melting clocks |
Cubism |
If sh.t happens, you will not recognise it |
Optimism |
If sh.t happens, we will find a way to use it |
Pessimism |
If sh.t happens, there will not be enough for everybody |
Tabloid sensationalism |
Green sh.t from Mars happens to Elvis clone |
Biblical creationism |
Sh.t happens because God created it |
Scientific obscurantism |
Sh.t happens because it evolved from primitive sh.t |
Bureaucracy |
I do not care if sh.t happens as long as you fill out the forms |
Feminism |
Women demand to have sh.t happen |
Ecology |
If organic sh.t happens, it is OK |
Capitalism |
Let us profit from sh.t happening |
Socialism |
If sh.t happens, let us distribute it evenly |
Patriotism |
Our sh.t is better than your sh.t |
Conservatism |
They don’t make sh.t happen like they used to |
Liberalism |
Sh.t should not happen tomorrow |
Classical physics |
Sh.t does not “happen”, it just moves around |
Quantum physics |
Sh.t happens but you can not say both where and when
Sh.t happens in discrete quanta called shitons |
Holistic physics |
If sh.t happens, it happens everywhere at once |
Software development |
If sh.t happens, we will fix it in the next version |
Applied mathematics |
The probability of sh.t happening approaches unity |
Engineering |
When sh.t happens, paint over |
Medicine |
If sh.t happens, take two aspirin and call me in the morning |
Economics |
Sh.t happens because there is a great demand for it |
Politics |
If sh.t happens, make a deal with it |
Diplomacy |
Let us pretend sh.t does not happen |
To which I can already add: |
Accountancy |
However bad, sh.t can be left hidden from sight as long as you can ‘prove’ to not have seen the pile of it that you’re drowning in |