Wired / Tired / Expired, April 2014 edition

[A night at the opera, Valencia style not Marx brothers]

So, here’s the April edition of my Wired / Tired / Expired jargon watch overviews:

Ensemble modeling Descriptive



Big Data!
Sort-of scenario modelling (two l’s is the right way). Like the what-ifs in Lotus 1-2-3 of old. Principles still haven’t changed. Already this goes into the Mehhhh category Oh yes. Bee drone.
Curation of content Fedoras H… H… Hip… …eards
just can’t get it out of my throat
Because of this:
Het is Coffee Company beleid dat je met je macbook in de etalage aan je filmscript werkt, anders krijg je geen soja-moccha-latté-decaf. — René van Meurs (@renevanm) February 20, 2014

and similar early indicators that the new wave of content curation, i.e., When in Search For a Better Life, start Writing a Blog, Columns, Articles, Movie Scripts…
Because of this. Have a look around; you’ll also notice how many #fails you see and how few, desperately few, actual right-wearers. And in the mean time, this (Do click to see it!) has also surfaced…
I’ll leave it here.
Yes you read it right in:
This Font Is Made From Beard – http://t.co/FxxPH6M3Td — Gizmodo Australia (@GizmodoAU) February 19, 2014
Old and new: I see them bureacratising. I hatin’. Because reasons.
Procurement Compliance HR
Where the new company bottleneck is. By going for the steepest price cuts suppliers can afford that department will squeeze out any and all business partnership that you carefully crafted with your suppliers. Well actually, in the medium run, can’t afford hence they’ll deliver junk then go broke and you have tons of problems again. Procurement saved some x%, you lose some yy% of quality. Bottom line: Big losses all around.
And don’t come around that Procurement wants to be a business partner as well, sitting around the table with you. They will block any giveaway that you negotiate with for fear of death they’ll lose their ability to fetch fat bonuses for, again, squeezing out every last drop – of blood from your suppliers. That’s their job.
And while they’re sitting around the table, they demonstrate to have no clue about the content anyway, but will try to mask that by uttering something stupid (giving them away) on a misinterpretation of something they misheard, leading to question marks all around the table on how to even react.
Bureacracy defined. Luckily, waning. “We do all your function profiles!” – “Except for the content; you’ll need to supply that yourself. And we’ll turn down whatever you as the content expert want in there, as it doesn’t fit the categories that we have from some external party that doesn’t understand the least of our core business and that are outdated by a decade but we don’t care as these are the officially sanctioned categories as established by some government agency many decades ago.”
“We do all the selection process!” – “Except the actual selection, you’ll have to do that all yourself and we will fault you on not following one of the most obscure and unproven Don’ts.”
“We do all the performance appraisal work!” – “Except the performance appraisals, which you’ll have to do yourself. See previous remark re missing the one obscure nono. And, by the way, however excellent your staff despite the HR department, you must grade everyone Average; we cannot afford otherwise [i.e., otherwise the grading will prove to be a heap of local nepotism].”
Whatever BYOD / Cloud CObIT
The Great Giving Up of Trying to manage Org IT.
Where no-one controls much of anything anymore. It’s about the Data, Stupid! Yes I know, I know even better than you think; it’s not about the data, it’s about the value captured in that information that has data as its carrier. For the time being; value expires in all sorts of wyas. it’s about capturing the value before that. It’s about data-centric security (i.e., fully-transparent data-atomic encryption). If only we could put the right tools in the right places…
Ouch! Our systems management is exploding!
We need to keep ou faces up as if we are in the lead of this all. We aren’t at all.
We really need totalitarian control over all IT.
As if that was possible ever, as if not all attempts to implement ITIL, v2, v3 etc.etc. did fail. Jammed between smashing actual productivity under tons of paperwork, and actually doing something, doing firefighting and a full diplomacy circus.

OK, any suggestions for next month’s edition ..?

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